I couldn't believe the callous way people said, "There'll be another death soon,"—bad luck always comes in THREE. I wanted to slap them for their thoughtless, cruel remarks.
But the third bad news CAME—within weeks. My other sister in New York, Kathy, was diagnosed with Stage IV Cancer. Kathy was the strongest-willed person I've ever known—very brave, very tough (helped thousands as a Social Worker—and helped them well). I looked up to Kathy. She was my idol as well as my sister. Having been a TOUGH COOKIE all her life, she convinced herself and my remaining sister, family friends and me that "I think I can beat the odds! I think I can! I've always been a lucky person!" So, for almost a year, Kathy did every thing she was told to do and never complained—they sent her for countless days of chemo-therapy, constant probings, radiation. She kept her spirits up and tried to convince us too that she would beat this dreadful disease, beat the odds.
Prayer is where I get my strength. There was one thing missing in Kathy's life—she didn't accept God. I prayed that she would finally accept Him. It took a WHILE, but the week before she slipped into a coma, she told me she had come to LOVE God. We had the neatest conversation about that and my story that Dr. Peter Marshall told (about death being likened to "being carried to one's own room") comforted her to no end. We ended the conversation with "I love you" and then she said "See you in the morning"—which knocked me off my chair… those were the exact words Dr. Marshall used.
In spite of "being a good girl" and doing EVERYTHING they told her to do for her cancer, she died. I felt so, so bad. This was the 3rd death of a loved one in a close span of time. In Western culture we see things about death in terms of LOSS rather than gaining. All I could see was the LOSS—Kathy fought the battle against cancer and she LOST. Also—it was my LOSS—because I lost her! I grieved and mourned her loss
"Blessed are those who mourn: they shall be comforted" Mat 5:4.
The night of her funeral, I had a dream. Kathy was there just as optimistic as she always had been. In the dream, I said "Kathy, I am so sad—you're a WINNER and I wanted you to WIN this battle against this horrid cancer… you fought so hard, and I wanted you to WIN!" She smiled and said "Oh, but I did win! You can't understand it yet, but you WILL. I didn't lose—I won! I got to know God, and I am so, so happy up here. He has me ever so busy, and I'm happier than I ever was before. Ooops—I've got work to do—TOOT-TOOT—gotta go, kid!"
It is still hard to deal with it all, but I have to believe in my heart that all 3 were called to Him because God loves them a bunch. He loves me too, but it's just not my time to see Him yet… there are still things He wants me to learn or do.
Copyright © 2003 Cristina Diaz. All rights reserved.
About the author: Cristina is (if I don't say it about myself—who will) a jolly good ol' soul who (while running a bed & breakfast in God's Country) believes that the best way to serve Him is by being helpful and kind to others.