The Grieving Process

Without a doubt, the most painful experience in life is the loss of a loved one. The most devastating for most people is the loss of a child or a spouse. Over the years, I have had the fortune to conduct seminars on death and immortality, and also support groups for those who have recently lost loved ones. I am very grateful to all those who have attended and taught me by sharing their emotions, experiences and insights through the various stages of coping with this extremely painful and often totally overwhelming event.

Death. No one wants to talk about it and yet none of us will escape it. When it happens to someone we know, most people don’t know how to handle it. And, it’s because people are uncomfortable about it and it’s so final that people fear it the most. In fact, there’s only one thing that tops death on the list of things people fear most and that’s public speaking. As a comedian once noted, most people would rather be in the coffin than give the eulogy!

A great man once said that a life worth living is a life worth recording. With this truth in mind, let us examine the time-honored method of keeping a Journal as a powerful tool for self-improvement. Firstly, understand that a Journal is NOT a diary. Although the line is definitely blurred, a diary largely deals with externals. A Journal is about your inner being. It is actively used as a tool for self-improvement, as opposed to passively recording events.

If you are interested in starting a support group in your area, you will need to do a little research first. First of all, check around with local hospitals, doctor’s offices, mental health facilities and the Chamber of Commerce in your area to see if a group already exists. If not, then try the Internet. Check on groups under the guidelines of what you are interested in (like bereaved parents) to see if there are any nearby groups that you can join with. It is always better to have resource personnel available to help you.

In June 2001, I witnessed something devastating while attending a work-related function. We were just finishing dinner while we listened to our speaker’s words when she suddenly collapsed. Of course, we were all concerned and alarmed but the consensus was that she fainted from nerves and possibly the heat.

After years of thinking that I trusted God, I have finally found out how to do so. I would pray believing that God would hear me and answer my prayers according to his will, but when I didn’t receive an answer, I would begin to worry.

Too often we walk around thinking we know less than we do. We believe that if we only had some answer, or even a clue to the answer, or on really hard days even a better understanding of the question, that we’d be richer, braver, happier, smarter, better looking, more successful, or any other attribute that seems in short supply and great demand.

There are many types of grief and loss, although a lot of people think that death is the only loss there is. Many people, though, suffer from other types of losses that to them are as devastating as death.

The fountain of personal wisdom may be as close as your nearest pen.