The Grieving Process

Today is Valentine's Day. And yes, other holidays have come and gone, without you. Am I getting used to your obvious absence? Instead of toasting to the occasion, I now light a candle and say a prayer for you, that you are in the Light of Eternal Glory. I keep the tears in my heart, I suppress the sobs, and offer a smile to the world.

Following a major loss there are many avenues out there for additional support. Whilst it is estimated that 85% of us can bounce back from loss relatively quickly I firmly believe that support is necessary for all.

When one we love translates or dies, we all feel a deep loss. What I have experienced is when a loved one passes it is a very strong physical pain. This pain can also be experienced when we get a divorce There is no right or wrong time limit to heal... they are both deep losses that we heal from in different time periods.

Finding meaning in your loss can be a powerful antidote to grief. If your loved one has died you may consider a way to honor them by thinking of the major life lessons you learned through your relationship with them. Writing them down where you can refer to them or refine them will be helpful for many bereaved whose fear of forgetting is a threatening undercurrent in the grief process. This may also work for divorced people who often are sometimes hard pressed to identify anything positive about the lost relationship.

Our fear of death, makes us miss the ever present truth that death is nothing more than a withdrawal of consciousness. To find a space of living without fear and without grief, one must learn to recognize that death is not annihilation. To see it as such, is to fall prey to an illusion.

When we lose someone close to our heart we let go of a part of ourselves. In order to deal with heartache and loss we close ourselves off. By protecting ourselves at a time of deep grief and sadness we seek solace by not being present.

These can be dark times when loss strikes. So dark that you may have forgotten about the spirit of overcoming that you've called upon many times. When the unbelievable happens, it takes time and strength to recover your old self who meets challenges and finds a way to cope.

This article summarizes the five steps for going from loss to laughter. Those steps are: losing, learning, letting go, living, and laughing.

Currently I'm enthralled by the British series Merlin, which tells the tale of the great wizard as a young boy. Watching the first series I realised there is a powerful example of how merely surviving loss can continue to cause harm.