It was March 2001, and Karen (not her real name) was in finals week at the college she attended. She took a break from studying and went to a yoga class with her mom. When they arrived home, Karen's dad wasn't there and didn't arrive home that evening. "My dad always came home after work," Karen said. "It still feels surreal."

The search began.

Karen's intuition soon kicked in. "The following day," she said, "I remember being in a parking lot at school and just knowing that my dad wasn't coming home." For Karen, the drive home that afternoon felt very long.

It wasn't until the next day that Karen's suspicions were confirmed, with the added tragedy of finding out that her dad had shot himself. His golfing buddy, who had joined the family in the search, found his body on the bank of a river—a favorite place. Adding to their confusion and pain, the family was totally unaware of any problems the father was having, or any reason why they should have been concerned.

One Web site points to a truism about all suicides: "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain." The intense pain or the lack of resources to cope with the pain cause 30,000 people each year to commit suicide in the US. That means there are even more grieving friends and family members left behind. (See links below.)
That evening, Karen remembers the importance of having her family near her. A brother, aunts and uncles flew to be with Karen, her mom and two sisters. "By being together, we got through the initial shock," she said.

The next evening, Karen spent some time in her room alone. She turned to spiritual writings including the Bible and Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy. These books had had helped her before—and now, they proved to be a resource that for her was bigger than her problem. God's protecting and comforting love was a theme she remembers. "I thought about that—that God was going to protect us. These were very simple ideas and they helped me a lot."

The next day something truly profound happened. Karen was half-dozing in a chair (no one had really slept much) when she pictured an image of her dad, an avid golfer, surrounded by green grass near a beautiful river. In contrast to the sadness of death, Karen said, "I got just a symbolic glimpse of how his life is continuing and that he was excited about what was ahead for us and I was excited for him."

This vision became especially important as the family's grief intensified. "My family was seeing his death as so final. I needed comfort and it wasn't going to bring me comfort to think about it being final." Her vision didn't negate his life on earth but caused Karen to be more aware of his kindness and love. She could see that those were spiritual qualities that couldn't die.

All this brought Karen to a crossroads. She felt she had two choices. One was following a spiritual path; the other choice was to push spirituality all aside. "Was I going to live my life or not?" she asked. "I chose to live it. And with that choice I began seriously looking to spiritual teachings for comfort."

Spirituality became her lifeline. "Otherwise," Karen said, "I would have become so negative. I wouldn't have been able to finish school or my internship."
She deepened her understanding of God as Life itself, and that Life filled all space—ideas she'd read about in Science and Health. She couldn't see her dad, but that didn't mean his life ended. Nothing, not even suicide, could overwhelm Life. And that spiritual fact gave Karen comfort and courage.

Professor Graham Martin, project manager for Auseinet, a mental health network in Australia, writes that those who practice spirituality "can acknowledge what may be wrong in the world, may be realistic about their own failings, but have the capacity to not allow either to weigh them down to the point of despair and hopelessness, but most of all inactivity. They are still able to function, to love, to contribute, to work, and to see where they may be able in a small way to make a difference." (See link below.)

As the news of her father's death spread, Karen found that at times others needed more comfort than she. "My dad touched so many lives and expressed so much love." Many of her friends felt they had lost a father figure and were deeply affected by the loss.

"This hurt me almost more than dealing with it myself," Karen confided. She shared with her friends her confidence that her dad was going on and living and creating and growing. The good in him came from God and was continuing. "Just hearing from someone that it wasn't the end comforted them. It was a tiny glimpse of Life eternal."
As for her own family, her dad's two sisters live close by. Karen had to make an extra effort to visit them because they were so heavy-hearted. So, before visiting, Karen prayed that they would be unified by love and positiveness. "I reminded myself that this really wasn't about death, but about life," she said. "It was about embracing my dad's life. It gave me hope about God."

Today, her aunts are doing very well. They have an "expansive joy," according to Karen. They are involved with new jobs and new activities. "I'm really proud of them,"she said.

"[S]pirituality," writes Prof. Martin, " as something that crosses all religions, perhaps transcends them, may well protect against despair in the face of the world's ills."

With the specter of depression coming so close to her, Karen realizes that holding on to joy is the most important thing. She's been asked many times if she is depressed about her father's death. Her response is that she is choosing not to be.

About the author: Richard Biever is a spiritual healer and freelance spirituality writer for the Internet. www.spirituality.com

Copyright 2003 Richard Biever. All rights reserved.