There's an old saying that time will heal all wounds. For those suffering the loss of a loved one, pet or even a relationship like a divorce, time will eventually ease the grief. It will allow life to be bearable and enjoyable again. Time is a major component in the healing process.

But what does a person do with the pain and emptiness in the weeks and months immediately ahead? How does an individual cope with today?

One way is to stay connected to family and friends. Therapists, clergy and medical professionals believe one of the best things we can do while grieving a loss is to have contact with loving, supportive people who will keep us active and provide company.

Besides time and companionship, music can act as a healing agent. Though sometimes overlooked, music can be a powerful ingredient to everyday good health. It can do more than entertain and help sell products and services. Medical research has proven that music can reduce muscle tension and anxiety, boost the immune system and regulate the individual's heartbeat and pulse. Music is also known to reduce stress levels and ease depression. These are symptoms that can accompany grief.

Sometimes the bereaved may not have many friends. Family members may live far away. And there are times when the grieving individual either wants to, or has to, be alone. This is a perfect time for music to be a companion. Similar to a friend who visits, music provides company the moment it is heard. While it plays, we can do what we want. We can talk to it, cry with it and even shout at it if it makes us feel better. I'm not suggesting music take the place of human interaction, but it can be a beneficial alternative. In many ways it can do everything a companion can do except bring you a glass of water.

Music specifically designed to relieve tension and bring stability to the mind and body is the most beneficial. Soft, soothing music is conducive for an atmosphere that will foster healing. I am one of those composers who create music to make people feel calm, centered and relaxed. My CD, In Abba's Arms, is instrumental music to nurture and comfort the bereaved while they search for healing and hope. My music, along with other committed and talented artists, is designed to help restore you to good health.

There are ways to extract the healing benefits of music that will keep us company and our minds active when alone. One way is to sit in a comfortable chair and start listening to the music; I mean, really listen to the music. Soak in the musical emotions. Focus on the melody as it rises and falls. Identify the instrument(s) that are playing. Or hum along with the song. If we center our attention on the music, we'll temporarily get away from the things troubling our minds.

Another way is to let the mind wander while the music plays. Envision sitting on a shore looking at the ocean or walking a path through a forest. See, hear and feel the beauty in these quiet locations. 

Try recalling meaningful moments with the loved one in the presence of music. Many people have used this approach to work through grief.

Music can also inspire. Identify a song that is inspirational. When the music reaches the motivating part in the piece, recite a goal out loud. For those going through the healing process, recite the words that hospice nurse, Deborah Sigrist encourages her patients to repeat; "It's normal for me to be abnormal for a while, but I won't be like this forever." This allows one to accept themselves now while looking forward to the future. Re-enforcing intentions with music can be the first step to find the courage needed to succeed.

Emotions will rise when listening to music. What usually follows is crying, even sobbing. This should be welcomed. It's therapeutic to cry. It's one of the best things we can do. We release hormones, stress and toxins when we release tears.

Finally, listening to music before bed will alter our mood and relax us so we can fall asleep.

If you are grieving a loss or know someone who is, I hope you'll remember the power of music. It is truly a wonderful friend that helps you feel and heal, better. Music is non-judgmental and never asks too much of you. Music states the obvious when words are difficult to speak. You don't have to entertain it, and its feelings aren't hurt when you tune it out or shut it off. Music is available anytime to act as a reliable companion. And this friend is only your CD collection away.

What should you keep in mind when choosing music to help you heal? Whether you like to listen to one instrument, like piano or 2 instruments such as a flute and harp or the whole orchestra, here are a few suggestions to guide you.

• Many people choose instrumental music. It is simpler to listen to in these situations. Non-lyrical pieces leave more to the individual's imagination.
• Music that is slower and between 60-80 beats per minute is the best choice when using it to calm and heal. The average person's heart rate is between 70-90 beats per minute. Music billed as ambient, spiritual or celestial will usually be at "heart-level" or below.
• Consider purchasing music that you are unfamiliar with. It won't connect you to the time spent with your loved one. Years from now, you'll remember it as the CD that helped you through this difficult time.
• Music using a minimal amount of rhythm and percussion is beneficial. You want something that is "beat less" and feels smooth, which will be soothing. " Read the notes on the CD to see if its contents interest you.
  

Copyright © 2007 by Tony Falzano

About the author: Tony Falzano is an award winning songwriter who has released his new CD, In Abba's Arms. It contains 12 original instrumentals designed to be an "inspirational companion" that brings comfort to the bereaved needing healing and hope. The CD is also used by many to enhance quiet contemplation.

In Abba's Arms is available at www.cdbaby.com/Falzano and through the Centering Corporation, at 1.866.218.0101. This is a non-profit organization providing education and resources for the bereaved.

This article originally appeared in the Summer 2007 issue of Living With Loss Magazine.

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