I've  kept a journal from the time I was a teenager, seems like yesterday.   Over the years, my children picked up my journaling habit.   We call them,  "letter's to God."   

in my letters over the years, I have thanked God for each child he blessed me with.  I have five daughters in all.   Even though two of my girls have Cystic Fibrosis, I always felt and still feel blessed.  My oldest daughter, 23, went to be with the Lord on Nov. 3rd. 2007.   It was sudden and unexpected.   She died from so many ailments all related to her CF.    She was a fighter.  She survived two transplants and went on to lead as normal and productive life as she could.  She was even engaged.   Her hair was white, soft and shiny.  Her eyes were a piercing green that sometimes couldn't hide her pain.  She never got very big, only 5'1", about 100 pds, but she had a presence about her when she entered a room.  It was as if she glowed.   She's with the Lord now, and I am so happy for her.  She has a beautiful new body that doesn't hurt.

     I miss her so much.  At times, I can smell her near.   Out of nowhere, her fresh, crisp scent moves about  and I know she's there with me.  One day I was in the car driving and I smelled her all around me.  I knew she was in the seat beside me.

      Two weeks after my oldest daughter passed away, we learned my healthy 22 yr. old had  melanoma of the lungs, lymph nodes and brain.   At times, it's almost to much for me to take in.  We are facing a battle before us.  I know we will all come through stronger, I know God has a plan....so, in my letters to God, I try and list all the good things to be thankful for...sometimes it's hard, but, he gives me the strength and joy I need to go on.   thanks.

 Don't Cry for Me Please I am asking that you do not cry, for I only went home to meet Jesus in the sky.  I have a mansion, a crown, and a beautiful white robe, and what a glory it is to walk on streets paved of gold. Now to my mother and father and husband my children need your love hold them by there tiny hands and give them a hug. Embrace them with your love and show them how to remember me, because I will be up above watching you, seeing your love. Now when times get hard and you can't see your way, you just fall on your knees and began to pray; if you listen with your heart and not with your ear you will hear a still small voice say I am still here. I was born to live here some twenty-two years ago. The Lord said, Come, Annmarie for it is now time for you to go, come go with me and receive your reward on high, in that big city called Heaven up in the sky. Again I am asking that you do not cry, because like I said I have only gone home to meet Jesus in the sky. The day I went home was like a dream come true, because there is nothing like meeting the rest of my family that I knew. So If You Shed a Tear please let it be of joy, because now I can see my little boy. My daughter was too young to remember me, but I know that there are memories. Even though that they are short, there are enough for all of you to share with my children that I had care. Even though mommy had to go. There are lots of family and friend that will let you know how much I loved you so; I will never let you go. Again I am asking that you do not cry because my love for you will never die.

Rest in peace my perfect Angle Annmarie I love & miss you
mommy & daddy

Dear Jesus, Please give Carol your chosen child comfort this day. It is so hard when you lose your child. Restore her for your glory and love. Also keep Janell sisters and brothers close to their mom.