since i heard my father had died.i knew i ll always have to be ready for the worst.ready for a big negative change in my life.ready,to miss happiness for ever.but i never thought it would be so brutal.that s why i pretended to be indifferent.i dried my tears,drew a fake smile over my face...

i went to college,oblivious of all the ghosts around me.these ghosts were the threats that promised a black bleak life.college life was so bright that it made me believe that there s still a hope for hapiness.but not for long.after the first year in college.i made the worst choice in my life and the cruelest crime against myself.

i migrated to saten island. all the way from east to farwest. i heard a lot about this country.especially the part im living in.they said it s like a paradise.i cant believe how fucking stupid i am.mygrief story is diferent from any other story.becose i am alone.no one realizes what happening to me.in this new environement all my dreams were smashed against the rocks of reality.i never continued my studies,i had to work like a dog,untill i broke my back.now no more working like a dog.now i cant work at all.doctors cannot do anything for me.and im the only one who knows this.not becose i dont tell them.but becose no one ever feels ur grief the same way u feel it.no more studies no more work no more dreams...what remains for man to survive.this question used to make rivers of tears flow from my eyes.but not anymore.they got dry.

now im stuck between the earth and the sky.i cant do any good over here but i cant go back to my country either.i alredy gave up evrything. i see peapole around me working n making moeny .others studying...and me like a vrokenwing bird. can a bird with no wings fly?can he survive....

THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN IN AUGUST 2006 FOR A DEAR FRIEND WHO WAS TRAGICALLY TAKEN FROM THOSE WHO KNEW AND LOVED HIM MOST. HE WAS A GREAT FATHER HUSBAND AND MY BEST FRIEND.

I DONT KNOW WHY THINGS HAPPEN AND FOR WHAT REASON. BUT I KNOW THAT HIS MEMORY WILL GO ON FOREVER AND NEVER DIE.

FOR ANYONE WHO READS THIS I WANT YOU TO PLEASE SEND A PRAYER UP TO GOD FOR HIS FAMILY AND FRIEDS AND FOR ALL WHO KNEW HIM AND LOVED HIM.

YOU MAY NOT KNOW HIM BUT I HOPE THIS STORY BRINGS A LITTLE LIGHT INTO THE LIFE HE LEAD SO WELL. HE NEVER TOOK LIFE FOR GRANTED AND LIVED EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE HIS LAST. HE GAVE SO MUCH AND NEVER ASKED FOR A THING IN RETURN. I HOPE YOU CAN LEARN A LESSON FROM HIM.

 I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THE WAY HE TOUCHED MY LIFE.

              THE RAIN
           BY: ashley sears
How can the rain have such an impact on the way you perceive things? I had no idea that on Saturday the 26th of August, 2006 the rain would change my life forever. I remember standing there hearing the rain beat on the roof of the house and feeling like the rain had taken him from me, like somehow the rain was the one to blame. I remember looking in the mirror and for the first time accepting that neither I nor my friends were invincible.
 
It was a cold Saturday evening when my best friend was taken from me. Everyone was standing around, joking, and just having fun. Then the bad news rolled in just like the storm had. He had been killed. They had done everything they could, but it just wasn't enough. "He's in a better place now," they kept saying, knowing that at that very moment, nothing could make things right. Nothing in this world could bring him back, and the rain that was once so peaceful now marked a tragedy in my life. 
 
As much as the thought of what might have happened that day haunted me, I guess I needed to know how his last minutes took place. No one is really sure what took place on that tragic day. They told me he had been riding his 4-wheeler in the rain. He always had a thing for mud and rain. For some reason, we think the accident may have been due to the weather, he lost control, and and was tragically injured it the impact. Although he was life flighted, even the best doctors couldn't have brought him back.
 The rain didn't stop that day. It came and went just as the tears did that came from my eyes. It rained the day of his wake and also the day of his funeral. As crazy as it seems the rain has fallen more often since his death than it has in the past. So call me crazy, but I think its Dave's way of saying that he's ok, and no matter how far away he is he'll always be a rain drop away in my heart.
 
The rain changed my life so much. From that cold chilly Saturday, when a good friend was taken away from me, to today, the day when I realized the relentless rain was just Dave's way of saying he wasn't really gone at all. I was so busy being angry at the rain I had no time to stop and think of what the rain had to show me. It showed me that life is so fragile, and it should never be taken for granted. So next time you feel a rain drop think of all those that you have lost and remember them and all that they stood for in your life, because the rain will never go away just like the memory of a good friend.

If asked why my mom was the most incredible person in the world, I would not be capable of describing that in words. She was all too amazing. My mother was beautiful, intelligent, and was allergic to boredom. When she was alive, there wasn't a single morning that went by where drops of dew did not form on a new leaf. There wasn't an afternoon when the sun didn't shine. No evening prevailed with a sunset sky not streaked with brilliant oranges, pinks, and yellows. Not one night went by without a full moon and stars gleaming against the darkened sky. The natures of the world were at their best when my mother was alive. She brought out the best in everything. She was the color in my world of black and white. Every hug she gave to me made me feel as if I was holding the world with my own two arms because she truly did mean everything to me.

What is it about mothers that make them just so...special? Maybe it's their warm hugs that are like no other. Maybe it's the way they cooked your favorite meal on your birthday. I think every day should be mother's day. It's not like they don't deserve it. They work so hard to make their children's lives as good as they can get. They are the ones that created us, nourished us, and helped us through all our struggles. Why me? I need her so bad. Forty-two is too young of an age to die in the modern day world. I have experienced pains that slowly eat away at your heart, tearing it apart piece by piece. I loved her more deeply than I thought imaginable. I can't believe I'm still standing here today, how I got through it all, without her.

It has been over three years since the death of my mom. I can now smile and laugh and openly talk about my experience with out falling to pieces. It actually makes me feel better, knowing that I have so many friends that I can talk to about it. Although I can talk about my experience easily, I haven't yet accomplished looking at old photographs without having at least a couple of tears slip from my eyes and slide down my cheeks. Even the note she left for me in case of an emergency at school strikes pain in my heart. Everyday, I wear a heart-shaped locket that dangles from a silver chain around my neck. It contains her picture and I feel like she is right there with me when I wear it. She is such an enormous part of who I am today and was very influential to me. Her soul will always be a part of me. My mom was the most amazing person in the world. Her deep brown eyes were promising and trustworthy. Her soft features made her so likable. But mostly it was her winning smile that captured the hearts of hundreds and hundreds of people. I know she is with me every day. She might not physically be there, helping me along through my life, but she is there in spirit. Just because she might not physically walk the earth, she will forever and always walk on in my heart. So to answer the question "Why is there such a thing as death", the answer is not to make you suffer, which it tends to do anyway. It is to make you treasure those who love and care about you and to make life more meaningful. Death isn't going to stop love in my rulebook.