Grief Loss & Recovery: Not Guilty, By Reason Of Survival

A short time ago, I wrote about grief, guilt and gratuity. At that time, I had no idea of the grief that was about to befall the nation. No one could have imagined a scenario such as that of September 11, 2001. Black Tuesday!

Now we see a grief that affected the entire world in one way or another. By any chance, are you dealing with a deep seated grief laced with guilt? If the answer is yes, then I admonish you to stop it! This will do nothing for you other than raise your blood pressure, increase your stress and pitch you into a ever deepening depression.

None of this is your fault—the victims that lost their lives or families would in no way blame you or resent the fact that are alive.

For four days, I paced the floor, gulped coffee, cried at the drop of a hat. I was barely functional. Memories of another war many years go swept down and engulfed me.

On the fourth day, I forced myself away from the television, limited the time I could spend in front of it; I caught up on laundry, did other things that had been neglected and did some work in the yard. While outside, it hit me in the face—I am alive, inhaling clear, fresh air in the sunshine in my backyard with my dogs. The birds are singing and having bird conversations as they gather at the feeders. The sound of laughter drifts in from children a few houses down as they play. Traffic is normal for this time of day.

There are tragedies daily in one place or another. Hundreds, maybe thousands, that we are unaware of. Not of the magnitude that hit us early Tuesday morning but “subnormal” occurrences that affect maybe only one or two people at a time. In every hamlet across the country there is suffering and despair—we do not even know about most of these.

You cannot feel guilty because you see some small thing that makes you laugh or makes you happy. It is not the end of the world. Of course, it is horrible. So was World War II, Viet Nam, Desert Storm, the Cole, the Oklahoma bombing, the California earthquake—the world is still here. There will be more problems and more death. You, as a normal every day person, especially if you are a senior, cannot do a whole lot except keep going. If you can help someone, then do it—but, don’t harbor guilt. Don’t be so eager to assume blame because you are alive, or American!

About the author: Barbara is the author of “Weird Old Woman Down The Road, and Other Minor Observations.” She writes articles on aging, poetry and short stories. She was raised on the West Coast, later moved to Montana where she raised her family. Spent over twenty years in the business of early childhood education, owned and operated a daycare center/preschool. Served as a volunteer senior companion for six years. Recently married a much younger man and finds herself busier than ever in her retirement.

Not Guilty, By Reason Of Survival

by Barbara Gould