Child Loss

My son Jesse died ten years ago. He was twenty-nine, and I loved him unconditionally. We had the best possible father/son relationship and reaffirmed our love every time we spoke.

We have all heard of Elizabeth Kubler Ross's Stages of Grief but I prefer to talk about layers of grief. As bereaved parents of babies, we quickly discover that our grief does not work in a straight line. Indeed in the early days, we can only describe our grief in terms of a roller coaster ride, a storm, and a cyclone.

Nothing can prepare us for the devastating loss of a beloved baby. As a bereaved parent you may go into shock, battle with sleeplessness, loss of appetite, inability to retain information, anger, guilt and pain. You may feel deeply confused. I want to suggest some simple ways you can help yourself.

Americans, in general, tend to avoid grief. We don't want to think about it or talk about it. This is difficult for those who mourn. We need to talk about our deceased loved ones to keep them alive in memory. In this article a bereaved mother describes her deceased daughter and tells why she needs to say her name aloud.

Losing a baby is one of life's most painful experiences. Your grief may feel overwhelming. Learn what to expect and some helpful ways to manage your feelings during this traumatic time.

When a kid leaves home, whether it's his own family or a group home for youth, the felt grief is palpable. We think of the things left unsaid, the opportunities missed but we need to accept our own shortcomings and get on with our lives. No one is really lost as long as he or she is held in our hearts.

Death is very much a part of life, and as trite as this may sound, it is actually very true. We will all experience the loss of a parent unless we die first, and 12 million Americans every year endure the grief and loss of a parent. No matter how old or young we are, the loss of a parent leaves us feeling orphaned or abandoned, and perhaps even though the death was expected, reeling with shock. It is true that the world is a very different place when we have to live in it without our parents.

It is the last thing any parent wants to have to experience - the loss of a child; death is only for the old. "Does time heal all wounds?" These words seem so trite, and in fact research has revealed that there is no set time frame for a parent to stop grieving over the loss of a child, and mothers in general never stop mourning this loss. How long does rebuilding your life take? This question remains unanswered; it will happen at the correct time. It could be months, it could be years, it could be never; when time takes on new meaning during the traumatic hours, days, weeks, months and years following such a loss.

I never thought I would ever be writing an article on this topic, but here I am. I am a member of a club I don't want to be in and I hope like heck that there will be no new members, yet I know there will be. This article is an attempt at capturing and sharing the journey beyond the death of my son by suicide.